How to make friends in Chicago as an adult

Why it feels harder after school

School, college and team sports put you next to the same people every week without anyone having to plan it. Adult life rarely does: people move, change jobs and get busy. So the repetition that friendship needs has to be arranged, and it is easiest to arrange around an activity.

What helps

• One activity, at a regular time. A weekly game, walk or class adds up to those hours far sooner than an occasional big event.
• Activities that need other people. Doubles tennis, pickleball, badminton, board games and chess all need a partner or a group, so asking someone to come along is natural rather than awkward.
• Planning the next time. Most of the hours that turn an acquaintance into a friend come from meeting again, so suggest a next time before you part.
• Time spent doing things together. The study counted hanging out, joking around and playing games; hours spent working together counted for less.

Places in Chicago to start

• The Chicago Park District runs adult leagues and pick-up games year-round, in sports from basketball and volleyball to tennis. Programs are listed park by park on its website.
• The Chicago Public Library offers free programs, including workshops at its Maker Lab and the One Book, One Chicago reading program.
• Leisure Friends: say what you enjoy and when you are usually free, then find people in Chicago for the same activity, or post an Activity and let others ask to join. It is strictly platonic, and for adults 18 and over.

Meeting someone new safely

Meet in a public place, at a time you have both agreed. Tell a friend where you are going. Every member accepts the Platonic Pledge before they can contact anyone, and you can block or report anybody at any time.

Questions people ask

Is it normal to find it hard to make friends as an adult?

Yes, and it is not a personal failing. Adult life takes away the routines that used to bring the same people together every week, so friendship has to be planned around something you do regularly.

How long does it take to make a friend?

One study (Hall, 2018, in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships) found it takes roughly 50 hours together to become casual friends, about 90 hours to become friends, and more than 200 hours to become close friends.

Does Leisure Friends cost anything?

No. Leisure Friends does not currently charge for the service.

Is this a dating app?

No. Leisure Friends is for platonic activities only, and every member accepts the Platonic Pledge before they can contact anyone.